If......

If I were a poet, I would have captured my life in a sonnet.

If I were a writer, I would have poured the beauty that surrounds me into words.

If I could compose, I would string each feeling into a moving song.

If I could express, I would let the river of thoughts pour out and meet the ocean.

If I could..If I could..If I could..

Yes. This is exactly how I feel. I feel there is so much in me that I want to express and share. A flurry of emotions, a train of thoughts, a bouquet of feelings..All fighting to come out. But, like all the normal and logical people, I also shut them up. Why? Because I don’t think anyone in this world is exactly interested? Maybe, but, mostly because these are extremely private emotions. They are mine..And they are for me. Maybe no one else will understand, maybe will even find it foolish.

There are moments, when I just want to be alone and sit thinking. Not stressing about my job. Not worrying about being the responsible adult. Not letting life’s cruel ways get to me. Just, sitting alone and thinking. Thinking about why are we here. What role am I playing in this Universe? What if I was not what I am and was someone completely different. Would I feel the same way? Would I have the same questions that I have now?

And there are moments when I want to share this side of me with someone. Without the fear of that person judging me. Without stressing on what the other person will think about me. Just bare my soul..Maybe there will be someone who will understand this side of me. Who may not have answers to all the questions, but will be happy to ponder on them together. Maybe then I don’t have to put on a mask of happiness and fun all the time. Maybe share dreams and see the light together.

I am right now listening to “Stop this Train” by John Mayer and this song gets me thinking. It is so true. Sometimes, everything in life happens so fast, that you can’t take the speed and just want to stop everything and go back to where you were. But, I can’t stop this train right now. Honestly, I want this phase of mine to end as soon as possible. Not because I am not enjoying it. But, anticipation of the next is luring me into wishing that it ended. Maybe I should be scared being older. What if I am only good at being young?

I don’t know what will happen in the future. I don’t know if I will live to see this future. But, I am sure that whatever happens, my belief in me will keep me happy. I maybe am never going to win the world nor am I going to stop the world. The only thing with me is my belief. And just one small prayer.. Just keep me where the light is.