Where is my ROI?

As always, my inspiration for this post as well is a song. It’s a beautiful and heart wrenching song by Natasha Bedingfield. It is pretty old and has been my favourite ever since the first time I heard it. Not just do I identify with the lyrics of the song but actually each word resonates with all my inner fears, and emotions.

I am sure anyone who has studied business knows what ROI is. In every business decision, we always look for a Return on Investment. What am I getting in return? Only if the answer satisfies us will we go ahead and make that effort or invest that money. Well, often accused of being very practical even in matters concerning people, I always look for ROI - even in relationships!

In my life, I’ve met many types of people. Few exemplary, some good, some bad and many who do not matter. But with each person, I have spent at least one precious moment of my life. That moment that I am spending with you has an opportunity cost. Could I be doing something better? There is always a lingering thought in my mind that what if there was a happier moment that I just let go of because I decided to spend the day outside meeting you? There is no way of knowing that right?

I know I am sounding very mean and unsatisfied, but trust me; ROI calculation has now become important because in past I have wasted my time on wrong people, invested my efforts on unworthy and supported the undeserved. And all they have done is hurt me and bruise me for being there. I wish there were some analytical tool for people as well to predict the relationship performance :P

The formula is simple...

If Benefit from a person "X" > Effort or time put in for the person "X" then it is a positive investment. We can max stretch to Benefit = Effort, in which case we break even. The moment the investment shows negative ROI, it's time to say GOOD BYE!

Whether or not I wish to admit, it is true that I am who I am because of you. Yes you all. The exemplary ones, the good ones, the bad ones and the ones who do not matter. The experiences that I shared with you in the past have shaped my character. So what should I do? Should I just let down my guard and be ready to fall without a safety net?

There’s a line in the song –

I found your fingerprints on a glass of wine; do you know you’re leaving them all over this heart of mine too?

So, next time you are angry with me or want to say some mean stuff, just think that you are leaving these fingerprints on my heart. You can actually spend that moment with someone who makes you happy and spare me to do the same as well. Let us get our time’s worth, what say? :)

Are we all lost stars?

Last year I saw a movie – Begin Again. A very ordinary story produced in a very different way. It stays with me even today, not because of the story, but because of the music and the soundtracks. Though all the songs are extraordinary, “Lost Stars” struck a chord with me. Yes indeed we are all lost stars.

I am a child of the 80’s. Born with a silver spoon, all my needs and wants were promptly fulfilled by my parents. I was always the star kid in my school and college – the all rounder, the miss teacher’s pet, the house leader etc. I had a plan… I had dreams… I had goals… I knew I was not an average person… I was born to do something great!

But then, what happened? Where did the enthusiasm go? It all started with a realization that I am not “Special”. I am just another human being, doing just what all human beings do. I am vulnerable, I am capable of being hurt, I have unrealistic expectations from life and I am struggling to find myself.

In the myriad experiences that I have been exposed to, I have lost myself. I don’t know if I am a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies or the one who reaches out and makes them true. Searching for the meaning… Trust me; this is not a sob story because some bloke broke my heart (though there have been quite a lot of blokes who did that). I am just wondering what my true calling is. There are many things I still enjoy and am passionate about; I have some of the best friends who would always be there with me and I recently started my new job. So no, it’s not because I am not happy. It’s because something is missing.

So do I turn the page? Will I find a brand new ending? Don’t know. You gotta keep trying right!

Calling out to all other lost stars, so that together maybe we can light up the dark!