Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in the story do not actually exist but they could be subconsciously inspired by a mixture of traits of the many men I have met. The incidents described in the story are completely fictitious but the feelings described are real. Lastly, the image used in the story is mine and I own the same. So go ahead, read the story and let me know your feedback. Please excuse any grammatical errors or typos as I typed it completely on my phone.
What’s broken needs mending
It was my first day at college and I was very late (story of my life!). As I ran towards my class, I bumped into him in a filmy manner and both of us fell down. There were no books falling or dupattas flying, but he was by far the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen. The magnificent beast who knocked the wind out of me, dusted his pants and walked away, while I was still sitting in an unflattering position on the ground and staring at him. This is how I met Mr. Darcy.
Mr. Darcy was an aloof kind of a guy, extremely wealthy and very intelligent. People called him proud and never liked him. He would always sit quietly in a corner and go home immediately after the class. He was a mystery I was desperate to solve. For one of the assignments, we were in the same group and that's how we started talking. I quickly realised that he too craved human company unlike the popular belief, but was just shy. In no time, I developed a crush on him. I was completely under his spell. Whatever he said was the gospel truth & whatever he did was inspiring. I'm sure he knew about my raging love for him, but never made the first move. We spent good parts of our days together and became inseparable.
One day I met his sister. She was a model who walked the ramp at Lakme Fashion Week & other such high profile events. Here I was trying to fit into my XXL size jeans and there she was looking like a goddess. While Mr. Darcy was away getting us food at McDonald's, she said, "You do know that it can never happen right? He's destined to take over father's business and you will never fit in. Just look at him and then poor you. So honey, don't torture yourself. Leave while you can. Don't worry, you'll find a sweet nerdy boy." Her words hit me like a hammer. However, I said to her, "I appreciate your concern, but Mr. Darcy is different. He & I connect at a deeper level. He told me that he's not an artificial man who would conform to the societal standards of beauty." That day after his sister left, I decided to confront him. When I asked him what he thought about "us", he laughed at me and said he was already dating his sister's model friend and always saw me as his cute little friend. I think people across the city could hear my heart break. That’s it, he never even bothered to understand what I was going through. That day I realised one thing - Birds of a feather, DO flock together.
I got a job at an ad agency and was doing very well there. In just 3 years I was promoted thrice and was nominated as an upcoming star in the industry. That is where I met Jack Dawson, an artist who loved to play with his canvas and charcoal sticks but was stuck making ad layouts on his mac. On a relatively lazy afternoon at office, we started talking & the free spirited Jack took me on a whirlwind immediately. He had these weird ideas about the meaning of our lives, god & religion and that sinking of titanic was a result of a well hidden conspiracy. I felt at extreme ease with him. He calmed all my inhibitions and always made me feel special. He would make spontaneous plans and we would go on long drives. While he would lose himself in the master piece he was creating, I would entertain myself with books. Those few months were like a pleasant dream.
But dreams always fall apart when you wake up, right? The lack of clarity in where this was headed boggled me and so I asked him. He said he liked me, but did not believe in defining a relationship. I didn't quite understand what he meant but decided to wait it out. The lack of a satisfying job, made him irritable all the time. He felt trapped & started taking his frustration out on me. He had a problem that I earned more than him and picked up tabs for dinner many a times. Not knowing what we meant to each other made me lose my calm too. So as to not offend him, I would never share my work achievements with him. The magic was slowly replaced with resentment. One day, he met a couple of artists from France, decided to quit his job and flew off to Paris with them. That’s it, he never even discussed it out with me and left me hanging there like a fool. That day I realised - never try to tie down a bird, it will fly away. Also, never undermine your achievements for someone else who would never appreciate them.
While I was still nursing my self back to normal, my entire clan of friends was getting married and having babies including my childhood friend. She had planned a destination wedding at Jaipur with the whole schbang. It was a true royal wedding any girl could dream of. Her fiancé was no less than a prince. She did cheekily mention (annoyingly many times!) that the prince had many cute friends. I told her I was done with men and that I was gonna ignore all of them. Well, how strong would a single girl's resolve be with a super romantic backdrop of Jaipur and many single eligible bachelors! Don't answer...
2 days before the wedding my friend was having a melt down. She and the prince had a fight over some silly matter and decided to call off the wedding. We all knew they were meant for each other so we had to intervene. That's when I met Jai & Veeru, the twins. The duo were the prince's best friends and we decided to team up to get the estranged couple back together before the families got a hint of what was going on. Now I won't go into details of how, why and when but we managed to pull the wedding off after the lovers united.
And just like that I found myself between two wonderful men. Jai was the older one. He worked at a bank, played guitar, loved dogs & only spoke when spoken to. Veeru was quintessentially opposite. He was a sales guy who loved talking, loved flamboyance and was a party animal. It was Veeru who made the 1st move. Though after Jack, I would have preferred a stable person like Jai, Veeru had already started working his charm on me. He took me to all the best places in the city and did all the things that would impress a girl out of her mind. From opening the doors for me to sending flowers for me to my office. My friends never liked him and warned me to stay away. They thought his actions were over the top and his stories were fake. Though he was genuine with me, I did notice that his demeanour would change when he was around people. I found it extremely weird to see 2 opposite personalities in one person. We virgos generally tend to be healers and get crazily attracted to troubled souls. So I took it upon myself to destroy the peacock side to him and build his confidence to project his true self to the world. But what I didn't realise is that sometimes when you fight negativity, it rubs off on you too. He started projecting his insecurities on me and found only faults in me. Yes, there were many demons I was fighting myself but he was just trying to put me down so that he could feel better about himself. And just like how he opened up to me, he shut himself off. He said we almost made it as a couple but I tried to change him and screwed it up. That’s it, all the good times we had together started seeming fake and I didn’t know what to feel. With a pie splat on my face, I realised - you can only help those who want to help themselves.
Meanwhile, Jai had excused himself from the equation the moment he knew Veeru had asked me out. On a sunny Saturday morning after a few months, I was sitting at a cafe waiting for my friend. I saw Jai a few tables away and went to say a hi. He gave me a warm smile and asked me to join him. And what started as a small talk in the morning turned to a comfortable soirée in the evening. And yes, my friend obliged with absence when I messaged her that I met Jai in the cafe. Talking to Jai was easy. There was no pretence, no uncomfortable silences and no walking on eggshells. He was very forthcoming and forthright. There were no sparks or musical instruments playing in the background but I knew that this was not going to be our last conversation.
It's been a year since that fateful meeting and as I sat on a flight to Reykjavik, Iceland alone, I couldn’t help but feel guilty for what happened in the last 1 year. What started as an instant connection started getting on my nerves in a couple of months. He was constantly there, never gave me any space, became too paly with me friends & family and started talking about marriage & kids way too early. I was feeling suffocated with so many expectations and was afraid I couldn’t live upto them. I didn’t want to break his heart and so continued with the facade for a few months. Things suddenly escalated to our engagement and I felt like I was drowning. I tried, I really tried but couldn’t not feel the same towards him. I decided I had to break up with him and so I did. We were supposed to go to Iceland on our honeymoon, but I preferred to go alone.
It’s freezing cold, just the right weather to see a perfect display of Aurora Borealis. There’s something magical about just sitting and staring at the colourful melee in the sky. And at this moment I’m seeing a flashback of my entire life, and I asked myself what went wrong?
Like all children, I grew up with fairy tales, the ones where a perfect princess kisses an ugly frog and he turns into a prince and a happy ending happens only when the Prince & Princess get together. In my eagerness to have a happy ending, I desperately looked for frogs that I could fix. Be it Aloof Mr. Darcy, Angry Jack or Self Hater Veeru. I constantly told myself I am fat, dark skinned, independent and intelligent which is not what men want. They want an exact opposite girl. Hence, sub consciously I looked for damaged guys who would be ready to look past these flaws and see the real me. I definitely did not succeed but what happened in the process was that, I became a frog. My self esteem which was shattered so many times, refused to believe that anyone who was not damaged could like me. This self pity was so strong that I ended up projecting it on Jai, who was nothing but sweet with me.
I know you started off reading this story hoping for a happy ending. Well, it does have a happy one but not the one you were hoping for. They say that knowledge is powerful and in a moments clarity, I realised what was it that I needed to work on. Forget fixing others, how about I take myself as a project and fix myself? I don’t know if there will be a Prince Charming somewhere in the future but I do know that this princess will definitely pick herself back and fight her inner demons to emerge victorious!
And as I set this resolve, I felt the colours in the sky brighten up more. As if the nature agrees with me too. :)
